Fearful

I told myself that I am not leaving this computer until I have written something to contribute to this blog. It’s been almost three months. I am staring at the counter in the top right-hand of my screen that displays the number of people following my blog (which is Zer0…OUCH!), typing an opening statement, deleting it, typing a different one, deleting it as well, changing topics and fishing around in my mess of a brain for just the right words to share with the world. It’s not that I don’t have anything to say or that there is a lack of wisdom to impart, I just genuinely do not know where to start. I am not a writer.

I re-read my last and only two entries & they didn’t suck; in fact, “Every Starfish Matters” encouraged me in a refreshing new way and “Speechless” reminded me of why it has taken me so long to even attempt to write anything again. I was trying to use the excuses that I didn’t have a working laptop, not enough time in the day, I have insecurities of messy thought organization but none of these are valid excuses. I am capable; I am MORE than capable of doing this!

So why is it so hard?

As I look at the title of this blog, my phrase to live by, “Faith Conquers Fear”, I can’t help but chuckle at the irony. How ironic that it’s fear that stops me from putting my fingers to the keyboard and sharing my words- Fear that it won’t be good enough, fear that I won’t get my message across or that it won’t be clear, fear that my words are pointless, fear that people won’t be interested in what I have to say, fear that my posts will be filled with grammatical and punctuation errors. These are silly fears. Although in reality, I have NOTHING to fear, if I AM going to fear something, it should be- what if someone slips through the net of salvation because I DIDN’T share my words, my stories, my thoughts and reflections? What if someone doesn’t ask God to heal them because they haven’t heard the story of someone being miraculously healed by the blood of Jesus? What if someone is searching for encouragement that only my story could provide but I never write it? What if I have a reason to smile but don’t share it? What if I have the answer to a question that someone is too uncomfortable or doesn’t know how to ask?

God is more concerned with saving souls and exposing the world to His love, grace and mercy through HIS WORD than He is concerned with me being comfortable expressing MY WORDS. How arrogant of me to think that this was ever about ME and MY agenda in the first place.

Faith ALWAYS Conquers Fear.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” -Credit Given to Nelson Mandela

Sure I may not spell everything correctly or use a semi-colon in the right way however, I asked God to use me. I asked God to make me a vessel for His Word, for His Light, and for His Love, so that it may be imparted upon as many people as possible. I WILL WRITE. I will write with authority! I will write with boldness! I shall not fear, my God is for me!

“The LORD is my light and my salvation,whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life,of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1